Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
3/28/2008
Oh well if it isn't Sir Piss-A-Lot himself.
Plans for Friday evening include pissing in the corner of his newly cleaned cage, taking dumps while eating pellets, shedding, moving his food dish around with his teeth in a loud clanking manner, and pulling the piss guards off the side of the cage so he has ample room to pee all over the rug.
What are YOU doing tonight?!
Snakeskin Chameleon Rabbits
The Sussex Express reports:
"VISITORS were hopping with joy at a special Easter attraction in Newhaven.Newhaven Fort created some Easter fun over the bank holiday by hiding overgrown rabbits dressed in military themed clothes around the exhibits.
Brighton University and work experience people helped Newhaven Fort staff by hiding the enormous rabbits which included an evacuee, a military nurse and a chef from a military mess.
Visitors had a great time hunting for them by answering questions to lead them to the bunnies."They could be anywhere!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Skydate 2027: The Bunniez have become self aware
In the not too distant future, the world will become a new place. A place where the old and young will meld into one being and recant stories of the old days where they traveled to school on foot in 700 degree heat, uphill both ways. Where blue moons will exist and punish you for using their names in vain. Where humans are no longer the ruler of planet Earth....
Skydate 2027: The Bunniez have become self aware
It has been 12 years since humans elevated rabbits to the position of manservant on planet Earth. Those among us who knew what a costly mistake this would be, left Earth on Donald Trump's Space Tourist program within the next 18 months. The unlucky remained.
By 2020, the rabbits had changed. A diet of human junk food had formed a new species. This species was to grow in power and eventually be known as the terror force, Bunniez.
Bunniez reproduced at an alarming rate. The humans had little chance against them. A resistance group of humans formed an underground network aiming soley to bring down the Bunniez in power and restore natural order. But on October 27, 2027, the worst imaginable happened; the Bunniez became self aware.
Similarly
Since I got back from vacation I've been trying to cut back on refined sugar (I deem Cane Juice OK, so cut me some slack here).
This is how far I've gotten... I am weak.
The Conspiracy is Real
I touched upon this in my first blog, and I thought it bore further explaining as it teases out one of the main characteristics in my understanding of rabbits. And that is that they are at heart rampant Woodlawn conspirators. Few animals are better able to stir up the forest like a rabbit. Whether he's thumping on a log to call their clandestine meetings to attention, or whether he's hopping stealthily around for the purposes of the party to make sure everyone stays in line, the Rabbit is stooge for the man more often than not.
Is the hurried hare of Alice in Wonderland really such a stretch from the pencil pushing horn-rimmed Illuminati accountants of now?
Judge for yourself:
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I Am Unqualified
As you will find out reading this blog in the future dear reader, I am completely unqualified to talk about rabbits. See how the word Bunny is misspelled up there? I can assure you that wasn't Mare's doing.
Are rabbits rodents? Are they jumpy cats? Are they alien spirit gods whose urine we can harvest to cure our anxieties? Who really knows. I'm not a "scientist".
Here's what I do know about Rabbits(Rabbi?):
And I think they like carrots.
And conspiracies. Oh how they like conspiracies. 
I am Qualified.
Let me show you how I am qualified to be a contributor to this golden blog about the wonders of bunniez.
I am the pied piper of rabbits. Oh, you don't believe me? Ye of little faith. It all started when I was in 4th grade and my mom thought a rabbit would make a nice pet for me. We went to this old man's farm who raised rabbits and he brought us into his rabbit barn to pick one out. In my mind, I remember this huge building with floor to ceiling cages filled with about 3-4 rabbits each. My mom later corrected me that this was not true at all. But, fuck it...I want it to be, so it was like that.
I picked out a little tan dude and named him Applejack...he was a dwarf, so he was always nervous and scratching the hell out of me (I have several scars on my knuckles and shoulders from him). Then one day, we saw something white on the side of the road, pulled over, and saw it was a huge albino rabbit that was clinging to life. It was a long road of healing- it had pnemonia, was under weight...but we had this apple tree in the backyard that we set up a zip-line to. We gave the lil dude a collar, tied him up to the zip line and he ate sweet, delicious, rotten apples all summer long.
That was a special rabbit and I'll tell you why. His name started out at "Sugar" but I really felt that he (with his gross rabbit balls) was a girl after all, and started calling him "girl", which morphed into "girly-girl" which made its final destination at "gerb". Mind you I was in 4th grade, but I was SURE this was a transgendered rabbit. I still do. Anyway, Gerb was HUGE and loved pineapple juice and pears- she would make these funny noises when she ate either of them which I would like to think translates into "Holy shit! This stuff is soooo F'n good!". She also followed my mom around the yard and helped her dig holes for her garden.
My junior year of high school both of those rabbits died and my boyfriend at the time had purchased me a baby rabbit. Enter Schadrach McDonnell. He was devoid of any personality, constantly afraid, and always in the mood for scratching the hell out of your arms. Thats all I have to say about this pet. Oh, he also died the morning I started my new college. I was like "Is this an omen regarding my education?" it was...why didn't I listen. Stupid student loans...
A few years/ boyfriends later, I was in the car with my current BF and his friend driving down a deserted road at dusk when I saw something white on the side of the road. I made him back up the car, got out, and saw....an abandoned albino rabbit. Again! What I thought was one rabbit turned into two- a large dude and a tiny little baby that fit in the palm of my hand.
Once again, I had a large male rabbit who had very female qualities so I named him "mama"...but this wasn't a transgendered rabbit. No, Mama was quite happy being a man-rabbit. My mom named the lil dude Sweetpea, a name I hate to this day.
They stayed at my BF's farm in the same cage until 1) the cage my dad made started to rot 2) sweetpea went through rabbit puberty and hated his father 3) he hated his father so much they were constantly fighting (and drawing blood), and pissing on him. There is something you must understand about rabbit piss, it smells like condensed soup with a tinge of garbage. And it stains. So, for some reason my BF's nutty father thought it would be a great idea to put the rabbits INSIDE the chicken coop...with the chickens...without telling me. I had nightmares about their poor eyes being poked out and had to make a cage (with a sky light).
Mama ended up getting sick and dying, so we buried him in back under our designated rabbit tree. The next morning i awoke to white fur and bones scattered all over our backyard. The coyotes had dug him up and ate him. It was horrible. The also dug up what was left of Schadrach McDonnel who had died about 9 monthes before.
So there you have it. I know bunniez. Here is Sweetpea AKA "Urineman".