I am Qualified.

Let me show you how I am qualified to be a contributor to this golden blog about the wonders of bunniez.

I am the pied piper of rabbits. Oh, you don't believe me? Ye of little faith. It all started when I was in 4th grade and my mom thought a rabbit would make a nice pet for me. We went to this old man's farm who raised rabbits and he brought us into his rabbit barn to pick one out. In my mind, I remember this huge building with floor to ceiling cages filled with about 3-4 rabbits each. My mom later corrected me that this was not true at all. But, fuck it...I want it to be, so it was like that.

I picked out a little tan dude and named him Applejack...he was a dwarf, so he was always nervous and scratching the hell out of me (I have several scars on my knuckles and shoulders from him). Then one day, we saw something white on the side of the road, pulled over, and saw it was a huge albino rabbit that was clinging to life. It was a long road of healing- it had pnemonia, was under weight...but we had this apple tree in the backyard that we set up a zip-line to. We gave the lil dude a collar, tied him up to the zip line and he ate sweet, delicious, rotten apples all summer long.

That was a special rabbit and I'll tell you why. His name started out at "Sugar" but I really felt that he (with his gross rabbit balls) was a girl after all, and started calling him "girl", which morphed into "girly-girl" which made its final destination at "gerb". Mind you I was in 4th grade, but I was SURE this was a transgendered rabbit. I still do. Anyway, Gerb was HUGE and loved pineapple juice and pears- she would make these funny noises when she ate either of them which I would like to think translates into "Holy shit! This stuff is soooo F'n good!". She also followed my mom around the yard and helped her dig holes for her garden.

My junior year of high school both of those rabbits died and my boyfriend at the time had purchased me a baby rabbit. Enter Schadrach McDonnell. He was devoid of any personality, constantly afraid, and always in the mood for scratching the hell out of your arms. Thats all I have to say about this pet. Oh, he also died the morning I started my new college. I was like "Is this an omen regarding my education?" it was...why didn't I listen. Stupid student loans...

A few years/ boyfriends later, I was in the car with my current BF and his friend driving down a deserted road at dusk when I saw something white on the side of the road. I made him back up the car, got out, and saw....an abandoned albino rabbit. Again! What I thought was one rabbit turned into two- a large dude and a tiny little baby that fit in the palm of my hand.

Once again, I had a large male rabbit who had very female qualities so I named him "mama"...but this wasn't a transgendered rabbit. No, Mama was quite happy being a man-rabbit. My mom named the lil dude Sweetpea, a name I hate to this day.

They stayed at my BF's farm in the same cage until 1) the cage my dad made started to rot 2) sweetpea went through rabbit puberty and hated his father 3) he hated his father so much they were constantly fighting (and drawing blood), and pissing on him. There is something you must understand about rabbit piss, it smells like condensed soup with a tinge of garbage. And it stains. So, for some reason my BF's nutty father thought it would be a great idea to put the rabbits INSIDE the chicken coop...with the chickens...without telling me. I had nightmares about their poor eyes being poked out and had to make a cage (with a sky light).

Mama ended up getting sick and dying, so we buried him in back under our designated rabbit tree. The next morning i awoke to white fur and bones scattered all over our backyard. The coyotes had dug him up and ate him. It was horrible. The also dug up what was left of Schadrach McDonnel who had died about 9 monthes before.


So there you have it. I know bunniez. Here is Sweetpea AKA "Urineman".