Holy Crap...Its Matt Dove

GAH!
I can't even summon enough words to describe how much I LOVE this painting. Is it perhaps that the shape of the rabbits' heads remind me of my own beloved Gerb (RIP, read "I am Qualified" to learn more)? Is it the colors? The texture? The sheer magnificent awesomeness that is this piece of work? Yes.

Its for sale for 500 bonez at ArtBreak.com. But, don't even THINK about purchasing it! Because once I become semi-rich (meaning I can pay off my credit card bills, save money, AND buy a few things here and/or there) I am snatching it and hanging it above my bed. It will replace the three paintings of horse heads I did.

Actually, I'm totally kidding. Please support artists who create beautiful things for the love of the process. (This is a good time to also do a plug for EffinEffigy.com!)


Not to be over looked is dude's wood working skills.

The amount of talent in this one person makes me green with envy...but also really happy that a person like this exists! Aren't these amazing?! I Love it! My mom and I may open a very eclectic home/ design/ furnishing store, and I would just go nuts to sell a few of these pieces.

Taxidermists: sick in the head?

When I think of Taxidermists, I like to imagine an old English country town in the dead of Winter. The towns folk are in the local tavern enjoying an ale in front of the roaring fire. They are having a hearty laugh at a fishing story John is telling of his recent luckless trip with Terry.. when out pops Old Bill from around the fireplace with a fox head on a stick. "Top of the mornin to ya towns folk" he ventriloquises in a high pitched fox voice. Old Bill is a strange man.


You see, Old Bill has been stuffing dead animals for around fifty of his fifty-seven years now. His crackpot macabre antics have become acceptable to these isolated people, like panto in the priesthood. Its not uncommon to see Old Bill walking down the street chattering away to two or three of the stuffed bunnies he keeps in his coat breast-pocket as he drags his stuffed cocker spaniel, Trixy, out for a walk.

What drives a man like Old Bill to taxidermy? Is it furry love, a cover up for interspecies zombie misadventures, or something more sinister like being "sick in the head"? Crazy in the coconut. Stubbie short of a six pack. Nuff-nuff in the noggins. NQR upstairs....

In Old Bills case, it could be said to be a combination of all three. Old Bill loves all creatures great and small. He loves them so much he is afraid they will leave him one day. Leave him all alone. But Old Bill found a way to make his furry loves a part of him forever.
What scientists are just uncovering now is that loneliness is a side effect of zombieism. Sure, they say "eat the brain, gain the knowledge", but no one mentions the loneliness that will be consumed and adopted by the soul of one who consumers another. It's a mirror effect. Like water in a bucket, or candy man in the mirror - there really can be only one.
This catch 22 brings us to the last of the unfortunate trifecta, head sickness.
Old Bill truly isn't the type of man you'd offer a green fairy cocktail or a spliff on a night you have your guard down...

Moon Rabbits: Exterminated by NASA

I mentioned this earlier in the week about rabbits living in the moon. There is some basis for this. According to wiki:

"The Moon rabbit, also called the Jade Rabbit, is a rabbit that lives on the moon in East Asian folklore. The legends about the moon rabbit are based on the traditional pareidolia that identifies the markings of the moon as a rabbit pounding in a mortar. In Chinese folklore, it is often portrayed as a companion of the moon goddess Chang'e, constantly pounding the elixir of life for her; but in Japanese and Korean versions it is just pounding mochi."

What's probably most interesting about the moon rabbits, is supposedly NASA when they visited the moon wiped them all out. You can read the NASA transcript here. It's basically just telling them to keep an eye out for the moon rabbits.

You can see it here though, so why bother to read it:


The conspiracy is real people!

Samurai Rabbit Astronaut Like My Daddy

You may remember Usagi Yojimbo the lovable rabbit ronin created by Stan Sakai. But have you seen him in space?

Watch this rare footage and understand that rabbits in space are bad news buddy(more on this later):

Demiurgical Rabbit Studies

"There is no mention of rabbits in the Bible" beyond the assumption that Noah had a couple of them on the ark, he said. "In fact, there's no mention of bunnies or colored eggs."

Further proof that rabbits are in fact aliens sent from outside our black iron prison. To save us from an evil creator god, and allow us to transcend blah blah blah dmt blah blah blah lsd.

"Carrots are devine... You get a dozen for a dime, It's maaaa-gic!"

President Bush "We Need More Troops".

President Bush has yet again made it known that we are in for another troop surge before his term in office is finished this November. Since our military force has been stretched so thin, other avenues of defense were ultimately pursued. Several years in the making, this top-secret project is set to launch in the up-coming months when road-side attacks are thought to be at their peak.

"I feel the best way to counter-act terrorism both in Iraq and at home is with the use of these stealified military pets." says the president regarding the matter. "These young soldiers bravely give their life, their pellets, and their freedom in order to make sure that America can become even more America-y. You will see the full effect of this once you get your Monopoly money...I, I mean stimulus check starting this May.".

Rightfully named H.A.R.E. (which stands for "Has Ability to Reach Enemies"), this small creature's sole job is to secure areas that are deemed hazardous or volatile. With two fully functioning tanks on its back, the H.A.R.E. is able to blast out hidden road side bombs that are undetectable to the human eye.

Remarkable indeed.
















The H.A.R.E., shown in preliminary testing in northern Alaska.

The Easter Bunny Hates You

bunny terror: gonna find out who is naughty or nice

gary farkin: rabbits like different stuff

Gary Farkin offers us some insights into rabbits

3/28/2008

Oh well if it isn't Sir Piss-A-Lot himself.

Plans for Friday evening include pissing in the corner of his newly cleaned cage, taking dumps while eating pellets, shedding, moving his food dish around with his teeth in a loud clanking manner, and pulling the piss guards off the side of the cage so he has ample room to pee all over the rug.

What are YOU doing tonight?!

Snakeskin Chameleon Rabbits

The Sussex Express reports:

"VISITORS were hopping with joy at a special Easter attraction in Newhaven.

Newhaven Fort created some Easter fun over the bank holiday by hiding overgrown rabbits dressed in military themed clothes around the exhibits.

Brighton University and work experience people helped Newhaven Fort staff by hiding the enormous rabbits which included an evacuee, a military nurse and a chef from a military mess.

Visitors had a great time hunting for them by answering questions to lead them to the bunnies."

They could be anywhere!

Skydate 2027: The Bunniez have become self aware

In the not too distant future, the world will become a new place. A place where the old and young will meld into one being and recant stories of the old days where they traveled to school on foot in 700 degree heat, uphill both ways. Where blue moons will exist and punish you for using their names in vain. Where humans are no longer the ruler of planet Earth....

Skydate 2027: The Bunniez have become self aware
It has been 12 years since humans elevated rabbits to the position of manservant on planet Earth. Those among us who knew what a costly mistake this would be, left Earth on Donald Trump's Space Tourist program within the next 18 months. The unlucky remained.

By 2020, the rabbits had changed. A diet of human junk food had formed a new species. This species was to grow in power and eventually be known as the terror force, Bunniez.
Bunniez reproduced at an alarming rate. The humans had little chance against them. A resistance group of humans formed an underground network aiming soley to bring down the Bunniez in power and restore natural order. But on October 27, 2027, the worst imaginable happened; the Bunniez became self aware.

Similarly

Since I got back from vacation I've been trying to cut back on refined sugar (I deem Cane Juice OK, so cut me some slack here).

This is how far I've gotten... I am weak.

The Conspiracy is Real

I touched upon this in my first blog, and I thought it bore further explaining as it teases out one of the main characteristics in my understanding of rabbits. And that is that they are at heart rampant Woodlawn conspirators. Few animals are better able to stir up the forest like a rabbit. Whether he's thumping on a log to call their clandestine meetings to attention, or whether he's hopping stealthily around for the purposes of the party to make sure everyone stays in line, the Rabbit is stooge for the man more often than not.
Is the hurried hare of Alice in Wonderland really such a stretch from the pencil pushing horn-rimmed Illuminati accountants of now?

Judge for yourself:

I Am Unqualified

As you will find out reading this blog in the future dear reader, I am completely unqualified to talk about rabbits. See how the word Bunny is misspelled up there? I can assure you that wasn't Mare's doing.

Are rabbits rodents? Are they jumpy cats? Are they alien spirit gods whose urine we can harvest to cure our anxieties? Who really knows. I'm not a "scientist".

Here's what I do know about Rabbits(Rabbi?):And I think they like carrots.
And conspiracies. Oh how they like conspiracies.

I am Qualified.

Let me show you how I am qualified to be a contributor to this golden blog about the wonders of bunniez.

I am the pied piper of rabbits. Oh, you don't believe me? Ye of little faith. It all started when I was in 4th grade and my mom thought a rabbit would make a nice pet for me. We went to this old man's farm who raised rabbits and he brought us into his rabbit barn to pick one out. In my mind, I remember this huge building with floor to ceiling cages filled with about 3-4 rabbits each. My mom later corrected me that this was not true at all. But, fuck it...I want it to be, so it was like that.

I picked out a little tan dude and named him Applejack...he was a dwarf, so he was always nervous and scratching the hell out of me (I have several scars on my knuckles and shoulders from him). Then one day, we saw something white on the side of the road, pulled over, and saw it was a huge albino rabbit that was clinging to life. It was a long road of healing- it had pnemonia, was under weight...but we had this apple tree in the backyard that we set up a zip-line to. We gave the lil dude a collar, tied him up to the zip line and he ate sweet, delicious, rotten apples all summer long.

That was a special rabbit and I'll tell you why. His name started out at "Sugar" but I really felt that he (with his gross rabbit balls) was a girl after all, and started calling him "girl", which morphed into "girly-girl" which made its final destination at "gerb". Mind you I was in 4th grade, but I was SURE this was a transgendered rabbit. I still do. Anyway, Gerb was HUGE and loved pineapple juice and pears- she would make these funny noises when she ate either of them which I would like to think translates into "Holy shit! This stuff is soooo F'n good!". She also followed my mom around the yard and helped her dig holes for her garden.

My junior year of high school both of those rabbits died and my boyfriend at the time had purchased me a baby rabbit. Enter Schadrach McDonnell. He was devoid of any personality, constantly afraid, and always in the mood for scratching the hell out of your arms. Thats all I have to say about this pet. Oh, he also died the morning I started my new college. I was like "Is this an omen regarding my education?" it was...why didn't I listen. Stupid student loans...

A few years/ boyfriends later, I was in the car with my current BF and his friend driving down a deserted road at dusk when I saw something white on the side of the road. I made him back up the car, got out, and saw....an abandoned albino rabbit. Again! What I thought was one rabbit turned into two- a large dude and a tiny little baby that fit in the palm of my hand.

Once again, I had a large male rabbit who had very female qualities so I named him "mama"...but this wasn't a transgendered rabbit. No, Mama was quite happy being a man-rabbit. My mom named the lil dude Sweetpea, a name I hate to this day.

They stayed at my BF's farm in the same cage until 1) the cage my dad made started to rot 2) sweetpea went through rabbit puberty and hated his father 3) he hated his father so much they were constantly fighting (and drawing blood), and pissing on him. There is something you must understand about rabbit piss, it smells like condensed soup with a tinge of garbage. And it stains. So, for some reason my BF's nutty father thought it would be a great idea to put the rabbits INSIDE the chicken coop...with the chickens...without telling me. I had nightmares about their poor eyes being poked out and had to make a cage (with a sky light).

Mama ended up getting sick and dying, so we buried him in back under our designated rabbit tree. The next morning i awoke to white fur and bones scattered all over our backyard. The coyotes had dug him up and ate him. It was horrible. The also dug up what was left of Schadrach McDonnel who had died about 9 monthes before.


So there you have it. I know bunniez. Here is Sweetpea AKA "Urineman".